Dear Blog,
I don’t want to neglect you, but I just can’t write a proper post on my iPhone. I’ve been computer-less at home now for over two months. However, I think this will be rectified very shortly, & I will heap love upon you ad infinitum.
xx
ashbloem
I will be back; I will return. In the meantime, I am settling into this life just fine.
September 1: Job offer.
September 3-6: Home in Dallas for Labor Day.
September 7-10: LA.
September 10-13: Dallas.
September 14-21: Mexico vacation.
September 22-30: LA.
October 1-3: Dallas.
October 4-10: Istanbul.
October 11 – 16: Dallas, finally packing!
Today and from now on: LA.
What a ride! Now, just to get David out here. Then we’re all set to start the next chapter properly. And I’ll update properly too. Phew!
Something I am really enjoying again is talking with other people face to face. I had no idea how much I had missed that at work! So much time on the phone the past three years – happy for the change. I’m sure some days I’ll miss the quiet and focus, as well as flexibility, of working at home. But right now it is very… Energizing.
On the other hand, home-hunting can suck it.
I will share more information with you. The job info in and of itself I will limit – what I will say is that while back in the spring it seemed I might move to Seattle with my current job, it became clear that I was feeling a bit ready to move on to something else by the time summer came around. My peers and directors were all incredibly supportive and wonderful as I applied for a different internal position and got it.
But obviously this particular one will be taking us to LA; more specifically Redondo Beach. Southern CA was somewhere we have, in fact, discussed in the past but before I considered a job CHANGE it was crossed off as unfeasible as I already had a peer doing my job in that area, and they certainly weren’t going to have two of us. But I was urged to look at this other position, and seems we were all in agreement that it was a good fit, because I no sooner inquired than I was flown for an interview and ta-da: here we are, considering our timeline and what we will be keeping and what not.
Now that it is happening, of course I’m struck with some amount of wistfulness about leaving (which is not unusual for me when about to make a big move) - we truly love this house, and it is going to be sad to leave it. However, each time I think of that, I’m going to look at the photo above.
But it is all happening pretty quick, so we’re planning sales and parties and visits as quick as p0ssible. If you are a Dallas friend – or even just a reader who I have never met, but maybe found me randomly online, and you happen to be in Dallas – I’ll be sending out the bat signal on our schedule pretty soon. It’s going to be a crazy few weeks, as I will have to go back and forth and balance the old and new job a bit for a while, and David will probably do most of the wrap up, but however the next 2 months shake out we definitely will be there permanently in November. Of course we’ll be back often – families and friends are here - and I suspect we’ll have more visitors than we ever did in Dallas, and I hope that will include you. I’m going to make a nice cozy guest room up JUST FOR YOU, you know.
We have a lot of stuff we love, which will come with us, and a lot of other stuff we like a lot but probably won’t make the cut. So if you’ve been to our lovely home and remember something you liked – furniture or books, mainly, some art supplies and random items – feel free to ask me about it. I’ll also be purging shoes and clothes, and since I’ve gone up and down in sizes quite a bit during my time in Big D you may want to have a peek one way or another.
I’m glad this happened right before a holiday weekend… I needed the extra days to just process everything. And luckily we’ll be on vacation shortly, so I can reset the brain as completely as possible before life changes in massive ways.
But here’s the news: we’re officially moving to Los Angeles. I accepted a job there that I’m really excited about. So… that’s happening. If you are in DFW – let’s see each other. Soon. Really, really soon.
I’ve been in my current job three summers, and we work according to a strict August 31 government deadline. When August 31 comes, it’s such a dramatic halt to everything that the evening of and few days after feel very very… weird. Until this day, for the several months before, but particularly the one month before, everything – EVERYTHING – is dictated by work. Appointments on weekends, evenings, whatever it takes. And then suddenly – nothing.
I think the first summer I felt like more of an observer on August 31, since I was just getting going. Last summer I think I started drinking the minute 5:30pm hit, in a celebratory mood for coming just a couple percentage points short of my goal. This year, I’m a bit more thoughtful.
I can’t help but beat myself up for not doing as well as last year, though it has just as much (or more, probably) to do with the economy and new regulations as it does me. I wish I’d done better, even though I don’t know what more I could have done. I wish I’d been more motivating, more inspiring, more thorough, more level-headed. Better.
Always wishing I was better. A better person, a better employee, a better friend, a better “mother”, a better family member, a better wife. I don’t think I’m a bad person or anything. Just not good enough.
I keep wondering when I’m going to feel satisfied. After 37 years, surely it comes soon?
Then again… I’m just really, really tired.
Since it is a Friday, and generally even in busy season that’s the one day we’re allowed to “get off early” at 5:30pm, I had a grand vision of unplugging for a night; ridding my face of the cold blue glow of the monitor. During August, we’re working pretty much 9 to eleventy o’clock, seven days a week, so forcing myself to disconnect for just a few hours is no small thing. Visions of a bath and book danced in my head.
But then, alas, things always happen right when you don’t want them to, of course, so I dealt with a student transfer emergency call until about 8pm, all stilted German and English, then I figured OH FUCK IT, might as well just update ye olde blog and look at Flickr and generally just find myself, once again, your digital friend.
Big deadline is next Wednesday, so I might as well just roll with being physically attached to the laptop, and take my break after that, when we go to Mexico. AHHHH MEXICO. SOON I WILL BE IN YOU:
And then, oh, you betcha, I’m going to unplug.
Post-surgery and new splint, I’m able to type with two hands, if still rather slow. For those I haven’t spoken with, it’s not much of a story – I sleepily slipped on a listing flight of stairs at a friends home whilst cat-sitting. Hungover, but not drunk, and most decidedly clumsy. A matter of just not really watching where I stepped. So, lesson to you kids is to LOOK WHERE YOU ARE STEPPING ON UNFAMILIAR STAIRCASES.
A gross inconvenience, indeed. But so relieved I didn’t crack my back, or break my skull. After the fall, lying on the floor, splayed in all directions, I burst into tears as I realized that not only was I injured and it hurt like a motherfucker, but I was bloody lucky to have not landed on my neck and injured myself further. Which made me want my friends and David and never to be alone again, and glad I have colleagues at work who would miss me, and all that grateful stuff. And grateful I was, all weekend long. Terra made sure I had food and love, and Ann & Dabney & Carmen all came by to keep me company, even though I was rather miserable and long-faced. So thank you all, my dear dear friends.
Now my arm is ”healing nicely”, according to the surgeon I’ve dubbed The Todd (ode to Scrubs) – although to me it looks weird and foreign and, honestly, a little Frankensteinian. The scar is jagged and ugly, though I’ve been assured I’m a “good healer”, and it is going to look great. If I run my finger along it all I feel is the plate inside, and that feels odd and unnatural. Bit of a nails on chalkboard feeling to be honest. The look of it gets me a little down, and I’ve countered that feeling with treating myself to some new makeup and perfume I don’t need, in a desperately sad attempt to feel pretty, I guess. But I also keep reminding myself that thankfully we DO have this medical technology that will allow me to move forward, with minimal lasting damage, other than a scar, and once that’s healed I’ll probably like it and make people touch it and have a good laugh at their queasiness. But yes, for now, a little sad.
I’m in the middle of the craziness of my busy season, and I can barely think of anything but work. However, we are still inching along with future plans… although, while changes are coming they may not be the changes we thought originally. Still pretty cool, actually, and I’m oddly enjoying looking at all the possibilites. For obvious reasons I can’t get into it on the blog, but definitely keep good thoughts coming this way – any way we cut it I think we’re going to have a really fun new chapter in our lives, positive on all fronts.
I love new beginnings.
Vanessa, one of our very first exchange students, just left today after a two week visit. It was so nice to see her; I feel like she is a family member, perhaps a niece rather than a “daughter”. She’s grown and changed in so many good ways from that moment we picked her up at the airport three years ago. Hosting students is one of the most random things we have ever stumbled into, but it’s changed my life in so many ways – not just in what I do for work, but through it I have not so much discovered but have come to understand my own strengths and weaknesses better. I think David too, actually, though whether he ponders it as related to his own growth I do not know. But as an observer I think it can’t help but be related, if just a little bit. If just that part of him that has learned to be more patient.
The Adventurous Women’s Adventure Club that I’ve been a part of has been fun – I’ve gone to a couple of events and met some truly nice new people. I’ve learned canning and pickling and this weekend we have cheese-making. Fun, right? Can’t imagine we’re all going to become best friends or anything, but sometimes it is just good for the brain to be with new people. New faces, different conversations.
In other news, now that the girls are gone, Jeremy has moved out, and David is at work, I find myself sitting here alone, quiet, only the sound of typing, cicadas, and the fan. And it is marvelous. I love a full house, but I have to remember to give myself these days/nights from time to time. Just me, all alone.
Just as long as there are no stairs involved.
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