One day, you might go to put on your garter belt to find that one of the clasps is broken. You remember with a giggle how that happened, and perhaps drift off into a reverie for a couple minutes. Once you come back to reality, however, you register this with much disappointment, as you wanted to wear some stockings tonight. You might even, cleverly, try to fix the clasp with Liquid Nails. But Liquid Nails takes some time to cure, and while it holds out for one night, you decide it is not a permanent fix. Alas, the belt is now useless and you must buy another.

You will of course pine over the items at Agent Provocateur, but quickly remind yourself that now is not the best time to spend $100 on lingerie. You just need a basic garter belt, after all. You pick one out on the Frederick’s of Hollywood website, because it is a good place for these types of items. And then, inexplicably, you will decide to buy some shoes there.

Well, not really inexplicably. After all, they are gold heels, and you don’t have any, and they are on sale for $20. Bargain!

You will receive these a week later. At this time you must admit to yourself that, in fact, you bought stripper shoes.

You will laugh at yourself, because really, from Frederick’s? What did you expect them to be? Remotely classy?

But in the end, you love them anyway, and so decide to embrace their stripperness. Next time you go to the titty bar, you know that either all the girls will be totally jealous of your shoes, or you might get a good tip from a customer who thinks you are an employee. Either way, there is no down side to owning these awesome stripper shoes.

As long as you don’t fall off of them and kill yourself, that is.