Today I woke up woozy and with quite a bit of nausea, which seems to be a little bit of a theme these days. And while I am sure the fact that I had beer last night did not help, it seemed more than that, so I called in for work.

Generally I just need to calm down; work and commuting is stressing me out WAY more than I am used to – on the whole I think I am a pretty laid back person, so I’m not reacting to experiencing stress well. Some days I do not like being a grown up. And then on those days I have sex with David and eat ice cream and remind myself of the good things, which are sex and ice cream whenever I want (except for this month, of course… the ice cream, not the sex).

So, I am now back to the old idea of attending a vipassana retreat – I almost did this about two years ago but did not really have any way to get there, then got distracted, etc. There is one about 45 miles outside of Dallas and it seems if there was ever a time in my life I needed ten days of silence this would be that time.

And I have made a decision to try and stop bitching so much about how stressed I am here. On the one hand I like journaling where I am at emotionally, just for the record, but I am starting to sound like everything is miserable. I also think it feeds itself. The thing is that on the whole we are just wildly happy about our life together. OK, work blows for both of us, but there are so many wonderful things – we have each other, and a cozy (well, messy) little house, fun animals, food, family, friends, etc. Some of the details may need to be worked on, but we will get there.

It can not all be perfect all at once. It just can’t be. I cannot keep expecting it to be. I am actually shocked everything is going this well for me, now that I think about it.

So victorious, so benign.