Dear Bookshelf,

TOO MANY CHOICES! DON’T KNOW WHAT TO READ!

EXCLAMATORILY YOURS,

Ashbloem

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Dear Beirut:

THANK YOU for playing in Amsterdam at one of my favorite venues the week we are there. I have not been so ecstatically happy about something in a long time. But I know you are prone to cancellations, so… please. Cancel any show you like, as long as it is not Amsterdam.

Love you,

Ashbloem

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Dear Scourge of the Sea,

Our MySpace banter is fun but seriously: you have to play at our wedding. I’m not joking around here. Don’t make me kidnap you.

Kisses,

Ashbloem

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Dear Oily Salt Scrub:

I love your exfoliative and moisturizing qualities, but why you got to be so slippery in the shower? I almost killed myself in there.

Warily,

Ashbloem

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Dear Pregnancy Test:

Thanks for being negative. I am ALL ABOUT being pregnant and such, but right now would have been more than a little inconvenient. Also, there was all that vodka last weekend. I did not really think you were positive, but it is good to know for sure.