Today was a hard day. It was good too, in some ways. I was a mom all day – helping hurts, giving hugs, trying to keep myself from being too protective, letting them learn their own lessons. I let one cry and took them both to Oktoberfest to cheer them up. After it all, I dropped them off at my sister's, where they are currently living, and I came home feeling tired and vulnerable and generally sensitive after staying upbeat and level-headed all day. I came home to pack and when I walked in the door – I don't know why – I suddenly remembered I missed the one-year mark of putting Marley down.  And the tears just came. I feel terrible about forgetting that little guy for even a little bit; terrible that I'm not a good 'mom' and I can't take the girls' homesickness away. I feel so helpless. I couldn't help that poor little cat. I can't make everything wonderful for these girls.

Maybe I don't have it in me to be a mom after all. It's such an emotional ass-kicking. Maybe I'm not as good at letting things go as I thought. I don't know how people do this for the rest of their lives. Maybe I should just stick to leading tours, when I only have them ten days.

And poor Marley. I miss his little tongue.