I am home alone on a Friday night and the only thing I can think to say is: FINALLY. Also, at another time in my life I would have used this alone time to listen to some new music, but I am loving the total silence right now. Ahhh.

It is great having the girls. It is a fun adventure, and certainly not one any of our friends would begin to consider right now. I like being out of my comfort zone in a lot of ways, so I was up for the challenge. But I have to say, having this many people in my space is DEFINITELY a challenge. I just miss my alone time is all. The extra dinner guests are always fun to have.

Tonight I decided to just go for it and paint the bathroom. I don't know why I can't just relax these days, but so it goes. I tried to live with it and the dark color was just wearing on me. Better a weekend spent brightening it up than feeling down every time I walked in.  Anyway, the primer is on and drying so I might have to do the actual painting tomorrow.

The girls came in. I think they are tipsy. Should I care? Truth is, I don't.  As long as they aren't driving.  This probably makes me a bad mom. Then again, I'm sitting here drinking bourbon, so maybe THAT makes me a bad mom. Sigh. It's impossible to get right.

So. After calling my doctor and ASKING for antibiotics I'm finally starting to feel better. I knew I needed them all along, but I really appreciated her trying other things first and whatnot. Still, I know my body pretty well at this stage and I can't remember the last time I needed a course of antibiotics so I shouldn't have been so shy about asking for them when i knew they were what I needed. Lesson learned.

Tuesday was a crazy day. I was totally out of it; feeling bad, but I couldn't bring myself to miss the Democrat street party at Bishop Arts. Pretty burned by the Kerry-2004-Copley Square experience, but being with the girls imbued the evening with a different significance. So I went. When I heard that PA went our way, I started to relax, but once we heard about Ohio and VA I let myself get excited and into the evening. We saw David's uncle (who is the Dallas County treasurer, so he was very excited about the Democrat wins) & cousin. Ran into Leslee & Josh finally; Victoria S from the old school days; Kenley; more I can't even remember. Caught a glimpse of David's ex, who I am sort of oddly curious to meet, and it seemed an appropriately hopeful & conciliatory night to do so, but it was merely a glimpse and my energy wasn't there anyway.

When Obama gave his speech, me and the girls cried and cried. I know why they cried – they are young and hopeful and this is the first big election of their "adult" lives. I don't fully know why I cried. It isn't like he is the total solution to all problems, and I was never one of the biggest supporters. Part of it was the race thing, part of it was his youth. Some of it was that he is the first president I consider part of my generation (ok, he's 12 years older than me, but I have friends who are almost that). And some of it was that the promise is almost more than I can handle – I almost feel preemptively mournful for the disappointments sure to follow. And over it all, the Kennedy-esque quality to everything gave me chills. Excited for the promise, but intensely fearful for the tragedies.

I am probably over-thinking ALL OF IT. ILLNESS GO AWAY.

Work is good right now. I almost can't believe I have a job I like.

I bought another Dyson. I realized that the thieves probably also stole one of my ukuleles. I have another, but it was my favorite. I bought it in Honolulu, and it had a nicer feel to it than my German one. Guess I'll just have to go back to Hawaii. Still, made me sad. Also I thought buying a new Dyson would make me forget about the other one but it just made me angry that' I've spent so much damn money on VACUUM CLEANERS this year.

Then again, what good is a big pay raise if I don't use it to contribute to the economy? CAN I GET A WHAT WHAT.

Hey, so, speaking of economics – any economists out there? I really do NOT understand the concept of the government giving auto companies funds (not that I think they will, but I'm talking concepts here). Banks, I get. But shouldn't some companies just… you know… fail sometimes? Enron did it. Hmm. Should ask my HBS economist friend.

Now that the girls are here, I put on music. Finally listening to the newest Conor Oberst. I like it. I had heard a couple songs, but hadn't had a chance to listen to the whole thing.

Still, I liked it when I was alone and it was quiet. Sigh.

I'm so fucking tired.

I liked it when Brandon visited. It reminded me of when I was alone and Bostonian and had brighter skin. When I wrote more poetry. When I was drunker and more lost.

My husband has helped me find myself. For the most part, this is a good thing and I wouldn't go back.

The flipside? Unfortunately, now sometimes I find myself insufferably boring.