Monthly Archives: December 2009

Nutcracker

Nutcracker

Thanks, Annie!


Notes to self.

Idea: Backpacks for cats. Velcro closures for quick removal.

Also: Dog blinders.

Suggestion: Might like Clydesdale as next pet instead of traditional cat or dog.


One Art / Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

– Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident

the art of losing's not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.


Confused.

I haven't been this tired in some time.

Somehow an argument has sprouted between David & I versus an old friend of his. One I admire greatly, by the way, and I know he does too.

It's like being in kindergarten. All kinds of "unfriending" drama on Facebook and not answering phone calls. Frankly, it happening the same day that I found out about Jenny? EXHAUSTING. Can we not fucking talk like a grown up? Like people who are happy each other are ALIVE?? I don't want to deal with both at the same time.

No. Apparently not.

I hate fights. HATE. FIGHTS. When David & I have arguments I absolutely shut down. I just can't take that sort of anger. I don't think it's particularly healthy to shut down like that, but…. i just can't do it. I don't like to think people can be that vitriolic towards each other. I'm deeply disturbed by it.

Anyway. To my knowledge no one has ever been this mad at me. Part of me says FUCK IT, the other part is deeply upset.

It's times like this i miss my friends from Wellesley, Amsterdam, etc. If we were pissed back in those days, we'd just say "Hey. You really hurt my feelings then, " and then the other person would say "Well I don't think you should be hurt because blah". And then we'd figure it out and TAH-DAH! We'd be fine in the end.

Josh and Jeremy and I get into spats and we always come out the other side better.

I miss Annie and Nora and Grady and all those girls beyond any description. Johan Tom and I could always come out the other side of an argument better. I miss all of them so. hard.

So tired.


the wishing tree, heaney

I thought of her as the wishing tree that died 

And saw it lifted, root and branch, to heaven,

Trailing a shower of all that had been driven 

Need by need by need into its hale

Sap-wood and bark: coin and pin and nail

Came streaming from it like a comet-tail

New-minted and dissolved. I had a vision

Of an airy branch-head rising through damp cloud, 

Of turned-up faces where the tree had stood. 

              


To be continued, perhaps.

My brain is reeling at the moment. What a day.

We've got a friend who has decided we aren't friends anymore – a friend who was in our wedding party, and whose creative talent I have bragged about online. That's been bewildering.

But then I found out a friend from my high school class died. We had a class of about 25, so we all know each other pretty well. Too close. I'm so so so heartsick about this.

I don't even know that I can really write about this now, actually. I might come back to it, if I can.


Grumps.

This is going to end up sounding really grumpy and totally unlike me, but for some reason this whole bike zeitgeist in Dallas is rubbing me the wrong way recently. I'm sure I'll feel different in a couple of weeks, but for now, it's true.

I know! Me! Who loves bicycles! And riding bicycles! And bike lanes! And such!

For those of you who read my blog who aren't in Dallas, and that is most of the very few of you, there has been an explosion of bicycle awareness and advocacy happening in Dallas the past year. I would have never guessed my first year here in 2007 that this would happen – rare was the bike rider I saw on the street, the city bike coordinator was vehemently anti-bike lane, and there was no advocacy to speak of.

But in the past year, all of this has begun to change. There is a great fellow over in Oak Cliff doing infrastructure advocacy, there is a new city bike coordinator, and there is a palpable sense of change in the air. I should make it clear that despite my grumpiness recently and my general lack of confidence there will ever be a philosophical shift in the city as a whole (I think some neighborhoods are a different story), I fully support the work that has been done.

So why the irritation recently?

I don't know. I feel like every time I look at fucking Unfair Park (Dallas Observer blog, the Dallas weekly) there is a damn story about bicycling around Dallas. Every fucking day I see a bajillion tweets and Facebook updates about some damn bicycling story or ride or something. And then there are these scheduled rides for which 200 people show up and ride around town to show solidarity or something, I don't know.

But in the midst of all this, you know what? I still don't see people using their damn bikes to simply get around. To go grocery shopping or something. So despite it all, rare still is the bike rider I see on the street just going about their business.

Critical mass rides are fine and all. I am not interested in going on them because I don't like biking with that many people. Though, ok, I get the point. Sure. And I am also sure at the very base of it they are a lot of fun for people who like that kind of thing.

But you know what would be even better? If all of those 200 people on those rides started using their bicycles every day. And started writing more letters to our city officials. And biked those letters over to the post office. Because you know what? I don't really blame a city for only investing $300,000 on a new bike plan though it would take a million to do it properly when they never see anyone on the street except for a mass ride. And if there is one time you DON'T need a bike lane, it's during a mass ride.

And get off my lawn.


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